Look Forward to Forever
by captainhookcaptainfreedom
Summary: What if Emma and Hook had met years ago in New York? A few years after Emma gets out of jail she meets a handsome bartender named Killian Jones. Killian and Emma date for three months until their relationship ends badly. They both forget about it over the years, but what happens when they meet again and bring old memories and new realizations to the surface.
1. At First Sight

**Hello! This fic will seem very UA, but everything that has happened in the show(seasons 1-2) will apply to this fic. Please be kind this is my first fanfiction ever. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time or its characters. I love Captain Swan and so I wrote a story for pure entertainment. Enjoy!**

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**Past: New York City, New York**

Emma stood in front of her closet. What were you suppose to wear to a private bar?

Krissy had said it was for the 'elite', but Emma could find many words that she'd use instead. The assignment had seemed so simple when she took it on. Track down a pregnant woman's ex-boyfriend.

It had been easy enough to find him. Harry Warboard had quite a criminal record, but spent most of his time in a bar. But to get into the bar you needed an invitation.

That's where Krissy came in. She was a regular there and could get Emma in. She even knew Harry. And now that she could finally get into the bar, after befriending a total flirt, she didn't know what to wear.

There was a knock at her apartment door. Emma considered ignoring it, but then thought better of it and opened the door.

"Girly, you're not dressed yet!" Krissy yelled in disbelief as Emma let her in.

"I don't know what to wear,"

"Oh, honey," Krissy walked into the bedroom and straight to the closet. "Ooh! These will work!" She handed a pair of black open toed pumps to Emma. "Why don't you ever where this stuff?" She continued searching through her clothes.

"This is perfect, especially with your leather jacket. Now we just need to accessorize!" She turned around and thought for a moment. "Your glasses can stay… and the ponytail looks pretty good. Go get changed,"

)))_ Captain Swan_ (((

When Emma and Krissy left her apartment they both looked beautiful.

Krissy wore a black pencil skirt and pink halter top with sparkly 4in heels. Her dark curls framed her face.

Emma was wearing the pumps with a form fitting, strapless maroon dress. Over it she wore her red leather jacket. She also wore a silver necklace borrowed from Krissy with matching earrings.

They were outside the door of 'Kelly's Drinks'.

"Alright, so Kyle Kelly is the owner, but he won't be down here, he's an old man who stays in his room most of the time. Most of the men here are scandalous and as tempting as it is- do not get involved with them. Okay?"

"I'm ready," Emma answered.

'Kelly's Drinks' was a large bar. To the right of the door was a lounge area that included a poker table. Straight ahead was a large counter and to the left a billiards room.

"Come one, let's get some drinks," Krissy said. "I really need one after my week."

))) _Captain Swan _(((

He saw the blond girl walk in. She had never been here before. He had been a bartender for two years and never had seen her.

There was something different about her. She had walked into Kelly's like everyone else, but it was obvious to him that she was looking for something- or someone.

But she had a look about her that he seemed to recognize, and yet he couldn't place it. He felt himself drawn towards her and for the first time in years he resolved to not let a woman get away without a fight.

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**Thank you so much for reading! Please reveiw, favorite, or follow. Constructive criticism will be much appreciated and flames will be ignored. I know that this chapter was really short, so I'll have chapter 2 up soon. Thanks! (:**


	2. Festivities

**Hi Guys! Thank you so much for the favorites/follows. I'm so glad it got such a great response. (: Here's chapter two. This chapter does earn a strong T rating. It has implied sex, but nothing graphic. It is quite a bit longer than the last one as well. Please continue to review, favorite, and follow. Enjoy!**

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**Past: New York City, New York**

"Bourbon," Krissy said in a defiant voice.

"Well, isn't that a bit heavy for you Kristania?" an Irish accented voice came from the man behind the counter. His back faced them.

"It's been a rough week."

He turned around to look at them. He had brilliantly blue eyes. The color was indescribable. He had dark hair, cut short and stubble covered his lower jaw.

Emma felt herself have trouble breathing as she was suddenly attracted to the stranger. She mentally scolded herself. She had assured herself that she would never make the same mistakes as she had a few years ago.

Emma and Krissy sat down on the stools that lined the front of the bar. He handed Krissy the bourbon and turned to Emma. "And who may you be, lovely lady?" he took her hand and pressed his lips against her knuckles.

She felt a spark run through her body at his touch. "Eliza Swanson," she lied in a quiet voice. "And you?"

"I go by Jones Brooster." He paused and looked at her in a way that made her heart flutter.

"I'll have bourbon as well,"

As Jones walked away Emma turned towards a staring Krissy. "He is such a flirt," she said trying to push away her feelings.

"No… he's not!" Krissy said adamantly. "Jones is nice and easily the sexiest guy in this place. But no matter what women do to seduce him, it doesn't work! And yet you turn him on like that!" she said, snapping her fingers for emphasis. "Forget what I said about not getting involved with anyone. If you were ever going to get involved with anyone, Jones would be the guy. And at least to me, it is clear that you agree,"

"It was that obvious?" Emma groaned.

"No, you aren't easy to read, but I've spent enough time with you to know that it wasn't normal for you to let him kiss your hand."

"Thank God," she breathed.

Jones returned with her bourbon.

"Jones," Krissy started. "Where's Harry?"

"Why? Are you looking to become another one of his pregnant exes?" he smirked.

"No." she answered coldly. "Eliza is looking for him and no she is not one of his 'pregnant exes' and it is none of your business why she wants to see him."

There was a lapse of silence as they waited for him to answer. "Are you done yet?" he said with a look that left Emma barely able to stifle her laughs. "If you remember correctly Harry never comes into Kelly's on Thursday. My cousin tends to avoid his ex, Ann-Marie, who comes in every Thursday."

Krissy groaned. "Sorry Eliza," she said apologetically.

Emma felt herself start to panic. Tonight had been a total waste of time. Then she caught Jones intense look aimed towards her. She could feel her heart beat faster. Perhaps tonight didn't have to be a waste.

Picking up her glass she tilted it back and downed all the alcohol. She was going to need it.

* * *

**Present: _The Jolly Roger_, Neverland's Surrounding Waters **

Emma stood on deck of _The Jolly Roger. _It was freezing out, but the cool air always helped to clear her head. Her hair flowed out behind her with the breeze. She looked up towards the sky, a thousand glittering stars hung above.

"She truly was a vision," Killian thought to himself. He walked over to her. "Are you alright love?" he asked.

Emma started at the sound of his voice. She tried to smile. "Hey, Killian,"

They had grown closer. They called each other by their given names and both felt that they could confide in each other. They had both gone through such similar trials and they found that they could easily understand and help the other. However, they both still denied the irrepressible attraction they had for one another since they had first met.

"Nightmares again?" he questioned.

"Yep," she sighed.

"Do you want to talk?" he didn't push her or invade her privacy, but was there as support if she needed it.

"I'd rather not," She looked over at him. He was not what she had expected. He was gentle and kind. Right now though, she didn't want comfort. All she really wanted was to get drunk and in a bed with him. It would allow her to forget- even if it was just for a while. But that was not an option. No. She had a family and responsibilities. As much as she liked to think that it would only be another one night stand she knew that it would happen more than once. She could barely fight her attractions for him anymore and she could tell he felt the same. But he was a gentleman and honored her wishes. He didn't even ask her to trust him. There had been so many times that they had almost kissed, that Emma had lost track. But she was even more wary now that the nightmares had come back.

They were different from before. These weren't of Henry or Neal. They were of a time and a man who Emma had long ago blocked out. She couldn't remember his face or even his name. Both had haunted her for so long, but that was years ago. The dreams brought her so many wonderful memories, but with each one the pain flooded in anew.

"If you change your mind Emma, I'm her,"

She looked up at him, not bothering to portray a false smile because he surely would see through it. She could see the concern in his impossibly blue eyes. She nodded and he walked away, but she could still feel his gaze upon her.

The dreams were of a blissful relationship she had once had. The only real one after Neal. It had not ended well though and it made her worry even more about a possible relationship with Hook. It was all too familiar and she wasn't going to let this pirate break her heart. She wasn't going to even give him the chance to.

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**Past: New York City, New York**

She had only had two glasses and she could already feel the alcohol's effects on her. Somehow, she and Jones had been left alone in the billiards room. Now he was teaching her the art of pool.

She held the cue in her hands next to his. His arms wrapped around her. She could feel his hot breath against her neck. "It's a bit hot in her," she said, not sure if she was feeling hot because of the drinks or because of him.

"Yes, it is..." he responded while slipping her coat off her arms and letting it fall to the ground.

It was definitely because of him. Her skin burned as his hands touched her now bare shoulders. She wanted to think that it was just the alcohol making her feel this way, but she knew otherwise. She reached for her glass and took another gulp, supplying herself with more liquid courage. She turned around in his arms and wrapped her own around his neck, pulling him into a heated kiss. Emma's fingers played with his hair as Jones wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her flush against him.

His tongue pressed against her lips, begging for entrance and she gave it. Their tongues tangled as Emma fought to enter his mouth as well.

It seemed to pass too quickly as Emma pulled away first, gasping for breath. She only got one quick breath of air though as he pulled her back into the kiss. Emma's eyelids fluttered closed and the kiss seemed to last forever, until it was suddenly over.

They both needed to breathe this time and again the kiss seemed too short. Jones didn't loosen his grip on her though.

"I think we should continue this somewhere else beautiful," he said in a low voice that made Emma's knees weak. "I have 'bout two hours left to work," he smirked at how her face fell. "But I can get someone to cover for me."

He scooped up Emma's coat and handed it to her as she intertwined her left hand with his right. They slipped out of the billiards room and into the bar. They reached the steep stairs and he turned towards the counter. Krissy sat there flirting with a blond bartender with thick black glasses.

"Dirk, cover for me will you?" Jones called out to the young man.

He stared at them in shock, just as all the other men in the bar did. There was a wicked smile on Krissy's face and jealous glares were aimed at Emma from the other women.

Jones paid no attention to these and led her up the stairs without waiting for Dirk's answer. They reached the top of the stairs and he stopped. "There's something you should know beautiful,"

"What?" the look in his eyes scared her. He seemed unsure and she desperately hoped that there wasn't someone else.

He reached his right hand over to his left wrist. He removed the prosthetic hand and looked to Emma.

"He was worried about that?" she thought to herself.

She wrapped her arms around him again and pressed an open-mouthed kiss against his lips. It took a moment for him to respond, shocked by her actions. But he did respond. He wrapped his muscular arms around her thin body and caressed her cheek with his knuckles. His tongue entered her mouth and he searched it, trying to memorize everything about her. He could taste bourbon on her lips just as she could taste rum on his.

Finally, Emma pulled away, biting his bottom lip as she did so.

"Stop tempting me darling or I'll have to take you right here and now."

Emma gasped and drew away from him at his words, but didn't let go of his hand. "Well, I guess we'll just have to get to you apartment soon."

He led her to the third door and backed her up against it. He fiddled with his keys and put them into the door without turning them.

Meanwhile, Emma slowly undid the buttons on his black leather vest. It was the only thing covering his chest. Emma ran her fingers over his muscular chest and dark chest hair.

"Beautiful, there is just one more problem. You and I both know that your name is not really Eliza. So I can't very well continue to call you that,"

Jones slowly ran his stump up her side. Emma sharply drew a breath as her eyelids flickered closed. She lasted only a few more seconds. "Emma," she gasped.

"Emma," he growled deeply into her neck.

He opened the door and quickly closed it behind them. And the festivities began.

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**So that's chapter two. I hope you liked it! To all of you who favorite/followed thanks so much, I love you guys! I will try to post the next chapter soon. It will probably be about the same length as this one. Please review! (Or favorite or follow if you aren't already) I appreciate your support. I am sorry to anyone who thought this was going to be a really sweet and fluffy fic. I think the first chapter was rather misleading. I hope you liked it though, I know I did.(; Love and Hugs!**


	3. It Used to Feel like Love, Now it's Pain

**Hi guys! Thanks so much to HookedOnCaptainSwan and my Guest for the reviews! WOOHOO!(So happy to get feedback, especially the positive kind) I'm so glad that you liked the last chapter. You'll see a bit of Hook's perspective in this chapter. I tried to update quickly and I'll continue to update as soon as I can. Thank you for all the follows/favorites. I hope you like this chapter.**

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**Present: **_**The Jolly Roger**_**, Neverland's Surrounding Waters**

Emma woke up sweating and gasping for air. She sat up in bed. She had finally gone back to sleep last night, praying that the drams wouldn't come again but knowing they would. Her tank top was soaked. She peeled it off of her skin and wrung it out, sweat droplets falling to the wooden floorboards.

Sun streamed in from the portholes. It was morning. She let herself fall back against the bed. Emma could feel the stinging in her eyes from the oncoming tears. No she wouldn't cry. She wouldn't satisfy that man by crying. No.

None of these thoughts helped though. Fat tears rolled down her cheeks when there was a knock at the door.

"Emma, honey?" came Mary Margaret's gentle voice as she eased the door open. "Emma," her voice became distraught as she took in her daughter's awful state. "Are you alright? What happened?" She sat down next to Emma and took her hands in hers.

"I'm… I'm," she couldn't bring herself to claim that she was fine; Mary Margaret would know it was a lie anyway. "I'm terrible," she finally choked out. "Nightmares," She wiped away her tears, trying to regain her composure.

"I thought you had stopped having nightmares about Henry and Neal. Emma, none of this is your fault."

"They're not about Henry and Neal anymore."

Mary Margaret stared at her. "Then what? Who?"

Emma sighed. "It was a long time ago and a very painful experience that I'd rather not talk about,"

"Emma, I know it's difficult, but it might help to talk about it." Emma didn't respond. "Alright Ems, but if you want to talk, I'm here."

Emma sighed again. She slipped her still damp tank top back on and then shrugged on her leather. She headed out to the deck to get some air.

))) _Captain Swan _(((

Killian watched Emma. The memories had started creeping back in when Cora died and he remembered Emma now. "Emma Swanson indeed," he chuckled to himself. And yet Emma didn't remember him or at least seemed not to. She would have recognized his name- she would've recognized him.

It was true that he had only realized the truth a short while ago, but Emma hadn't had her memories washed away by Cora.

Somehow this knowledge pained him. All he wanted was to go over to Emma and kiss her the way he used to. He wanted to get rid of her pain. He wanted to make her remember. They hadn't left things at a good spot and as much as it hurt, perhaps it was a better thing that Emma didn't know.

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**Past: New York City, New York**

Emma woke up in a bed that wasn't hers. She closed her eyes again and thought of the night before. It had been amazing. They had moved perfectly together. Their bodies fit like puzzle pieces. It was as if they had been made for each other. The man might only have one hand, but oh was he good at using it. And the things he could do with his mouth. Without a doubt, it had been the best one night stand of her life.

It didn't feel like her other ones. Jones wasn't a greedy lover. It seemed as if his only concern was to please her. Every time she had woken up after a one-night stand guilt washed over her and she left before her lover even awoke. As much as it scared her, she wasn't guilty this time. She hadn't run and didn't plan to. His arm was wrapped tightly around her stomach, holding her close to him and it felt right.

Emma felt eyes on her. She tilted her head slightly to see him. His blue eyes looked upon her warmly.

"Morning Emma," He leaned down and captured her lips with his. This kiss was gentle and loving.

She sighed and leaned into his chest. "Your quite a man Jones," She felt his body stiffen against her. She flipped over to face him. He looked over at her, quilt etched upon his face.

"There's something I should have told you last night,"

Emma couldn't believe she had done it. She had let herself fall for this guy and he was about to tell her that he was married. "There's someone else, isn't there?" she said, closing her eyes and biting her lip, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.

"No." he said. "There hasn't been for years. Emma please believe me," he caressed her cheek with his hand.

"Then what is it Jones?" she demanded, not knowing why she was getting so upset.

"Killian," he said quietly.

"What?"

"My name is Killian Jones, not Jones Brooster."

Emma relaxed for a moment before eyeing him seductively. "Was it my moans of the wrong name that got to you?"

"Hmm… I'm sure we could make up for it this morning."

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**Present: **_**The Jolly Roger**_**, Neverland's Surrounding Waters**

She looked at Hook, steering the ship. What was it about him that brought those long hidden memories to the surface? Or maybe it was Neverland.

She allowed herself to think about her old lover for the first time. He had been so important to her then, but now- she couldn't remember his name or even his face. Years of pushing his image and voice out of her mind had successfully erased him from her thoughts. Until now.

It had been wonderful. She remembered the way he had held her and kissed her. The way he had made her feel. They had been so much more than 'Friends with Benefits'.

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**Past: New York City, New York**

"So… is this how your one night stands usually go?" Killian stood in the bathroom doorway. He had on black jeans. He was still barefoot and shirtless. He was towel drying his hair as Emma got dressed.

Emma picked her clothes up off the floor, water droplets hanging onto the ends of her golden curls.

She slipped into the maroon dress and tried to zip it up. "Here let me do it," Killian walked over to her, seeing her difficulty. "So…um…how do you feel towards me?" He continued as he zipped her dress up.

Emma looked at the ground, not certain of how she felt. "Do you feel guilty?"

"You didn't answer my question," He turned her body around and tilted her head up to face him. "Surprisingly, I do not," He was telling the truth. "Do you?" he asked gently.

Emma thought for a moment. She looked into is much too blue eyes and knew she couldn't lie, not to him. "No, I don't,"

"Well, in that case, I don't think all of that counts as a one-night stand. And, in that case, would you join me for brunch?" he said with a mock bow.

Emma laughed.

"Please…"

"I'd be honored. But this isn't exactly appropriate attire for brunch," she said motioning towards the dress she was wearing.

"You're quite right. Where do you live?"

She shot him a look.

"Okay, so it's not a good idea to tell me, a stranger who is sexually interested in you, where you live. Is it close though?"

"No, it's quite a few streets over,"

"I'm sure you can borrow some of Jasmine's old stuff then," he grabbed a set of keys off his dresser and threw them to Emma. "Room six darling. I need to go ask Kyle for the day off. Meet me downstairs when you're ready," He grabbed a plaid shirt out of his closet and slipped it on, not bothering to button it.

"Wait," Emma grabbed his hand before he could leave. She could already fell herself getting attached to this guy, but she didn't know why. She knew it wasn't good. "Who's Jasmine?" She asked cautiously.

"She's 37, moved to Manhattan about two years ago- around the same time I started working here. She's Kyle's daughter. There was never a relationship between us. She just trusts me to take care of her dad while she's away," He had known just what she was thinking. He leaned in and kissed her. It was slow and gentle but contained the same love and passion as their heated ones. "Hurry down; I don't know how long I'll last without you."

Killian left. Emma leaned against the door. She sighed. He felt right. This all felt right. But last time had felt like this too… or had it?

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**Well that's chapter 3! I'm having so much fun writing this! You guys will get a few more chapters before it's over, but I only have the end left to write. Posting of the next chapters may be postponed however because of some sweet one-shots floating around in my head. Thanks for all the support! Please, please, please leave a review(I'm begging you) They really make my day. (: Please follow and/or favorite. If there's something you'd like to see in this fic or an idea/prompt for another fic that you'd like me to write, I'd be glad to hear them. I can't promise that they'll show up here, but I can try. Oh, and by the way, no Jasmine is not suppose to be 'Princess Jasmine' from 'Disney's Aladdin', they just have the same name. Till next time- Love and Hugs, Darlings (;**


	4. The One I Remember

**Hi everyone! I am so, so, so sorry it took me so long to update this. I beg you to not hate me. Last week I was bombarded with school work and family commitments. Don't you just _love_ life? It was killing me to not be able to go on here. This chapter is rather short because I wanted this chapter and the next one to be seperated. The next few chapters will probably be short as well for the same reason. Please forgive me for any grammatical, spelling, punctuation, etc errors because as always I do not have a beta and I really wanted to get this up here and so did not edit very carefully. Thank you all so much for the follows/favorites and the reviews. I especially thank HookedOnCaptainSwan, missmandapanda, and latenightreader93 for their kind reviews on chapter 3. I hope you guys like this chapter! (:**

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**Past: New York City, New York**

"Hey, Kyle!" Killian called out, walking up to the counter. The old man stood behind it filling orders for the few customers there.

"Well, Jones, you only have three hours left to enjoy this lovely Friday. But I heard you got a girl,"

"Yeah," Dirk came out from the back, drying a glass. "You must have really scared her off if she left before my shift 'cause I didn't see her leave."

"She's still here actually. We're going to brunch. Can she borrow some of Jasmine's stuff?"

Kyle looked at him curiously. "I've never seen you interested in a girl. What time will you be back? Yes she may."  
Killian and Kyle often had multiple conversations at once.

"I'm not sure of it myself. I was hoping to take the day off. Thank you."

Kelly studied him. "Killian," he lowered his voice so the others wouldn't hear his real name, "don't let your past make you lose your present. You've gone so long without even looking twice at a girl. She must be special."

"Oh she is. There's just something about her. I can't describe it, it's just there."

Kelly looked hard at him. "She's the one isn't she?"

"I, um, I didn't say that," Killian answered, flustered.

"You need to get over her. Move on- live your life. She's gone Killian. She died a long time ago." Kyle knew about Milah and Neverland and he believed it all.

"And how do I explain to her that I'm Captain Hook? I can't move on, not here."

"Then why are you even trying?" he paused. "Take the day off, it'll be your tavern soon enough," he said, resigned.

Emma came down at that moment. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail again. She wore skinny jeans with brown leather ankle boots. She wore a white blouse under her coat and had on a brown shoulder bag. She pushed her glasses up self-consciously and strode over to Killian and Kyle.

"So you're the one capable of the impossible. I'm Kyle Kelly."

"Eliza Swanson."

* * *

**Present: **_**The Jolly Roger, **_**Neverland Surrounding Waters**

**_Dreams- Past: New York City, New York_**

_"Emma!" he screamed as he pulled her close. The car's engine burst into flames. "Are you alright darling?" he asked in an Irish accent. _

_"Just a bit shaken up." She looked into his blue eyes, clouded with worry._

_"You're sure you're okay?"_

_She wrapped her arms around his neck, tangling her fingers in his dark hair as she pulled him down towards her for a kiss. "Yes," she answered softly once they were finally parted. "Are you?"_

_"As long as you're her with me."_

_He pulled a necklace from his coat pocket. He walked behind her and brought it around her neck, connecting the chain. She looked down at it, two gold, intertwined hearts. _

_"I love you Emma."_

_She stared at him, unsure of what to say. "Killian, I, I can't. You know I-"_

_He held a finger to her lips as tears began to sting her eyes. "You don't need to say anything. I know we're not ready for this and probably won't be for a long time, if ever. But I need you to know."_

_))) Captain Swan (((_

Emma awoke with a start. No- it couldn't be.

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**So that's chapter 4. How did you like it? I hope you loved it as much as I did. Please review! If I get 5 reviews on this chapter by Friday, September 27th, I will put the next chapter up on/by Saturday. I also hope to get two more of my stories up on fanfiction. I am so excited for Sunday! OUAT is back! My message about prompts etc from last chapter still stands. I'd love to know what you think of the story. Love and Hugs to all you Captain Swan fans! (;**


	5. How can I Love You with my Wounded Heart

**So here is Chapter 5! I got more reviews on that last chapter than I expected! I guess bribery really does work!(; So, tomorrow is the BIG day! Once Upon a Time will be back! I cannot express my excitement! I am so excited that I will probably cause my death before I get to watch it! D: I really hope you like this chapter, it's one of my favorites. It is really short, but I will probably post the next chapter on Wednesday. This chapter might be a little confusing so if you have questions(or just want to tell me something) feel free to PM me. Bon appetit.**

* * *

**Past: New York City, New York**

Emma awoke to the smell of pancakes. She pushed the covers off and swung her legs out of bed. Her bare feet hit the cold wood floor and she shivered. She had to force herself to leave the warm bed. She grabbed her glasses off of the dresser and pulled on her robe. She headed out to the living room.

Emma gasped when she looked out the window, pulling away the chocolate-colored curtains. White snowflakes were falling to the pavement below. "It's beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you darling."

Emma turned around. She walked over to the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen and slid onto one of the stools.

Killian smiled at her. "Good morning Emma." He leaned forward and met her halfway for a chaste kiss.

"So… what's the surprise?"

He turned away from Emma and grabbed two steaming mugs of cocoa from the stove. "What surprise?" he said as he sprinkled cinnamon into each mug. He handed one to Emma and took a sip of his own.

"The surprise that you kept taunting me about yesterday!"

"Well, I don't know anything about a surprise, but there is this," he walked over to the coffee table and picked up a small white box. He handed it to Emma.

She looked at it. It looked suspiciously like a ring box. "Killian, I'm sorry, but I'm not ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready." It hurt her to refuse him, but she couldn't let her past happen all over again.

"Darling, do you see me getting down on one knee? I think you should open it."

She slowly lifted the lid, sending a curious look towards her boyfriend. "Oh my God. It's my necklace. But- it was stolen. How did you, where, how?

He laughed and took the necklace from her hand. He put it on her, just like he had the first time. "Turns out the guy who broke into the apartment also deals in black-market."

"Oh, so it was one of your coworkers who stole it," she joked. She wrapped her arms around him.

"I had to get it fixed, but I've actually had it for a while," he gave her a guilty look. "I thought it would be appropriate to give it to you today."

"What's today?"

"Tomorrow will be three months."

"Ah, yes, because a three-month anniversary is so important."

"It is when it's all you have."

Their lips met again, expressing the love they could not put into words because of their aching hearts, still wounded form the past."

* * *

**Did that break your heart? No? Well it broke mine when I was writing it. That last sentence kills me. I want it on a shirt or a plaque. Did you like it? Please leave a review or follow or favorite (if you haven't already). Thanks to all of you who reviewed. Please keep them coming they make me feel guilty if I don't post the chapter which then leads to me posting 2-3 chapters a week. Peace and Happiness to all. I expect all of you to be in front of your tv screens from 7-9 pm tomorrow. Maybe you will also be reading fanfiction during commercials like I do. If that is so, please check out my new story, 'We Will Sail this Sea Together'. I don't think it is as good as this one, but please read it. Captain Swan Forever!**


	6. What Have I Done?

**Hello lovelies! Okay, was the Season Premiere epic or what?! I will not say anything more about that because perhaps you have not seen it yet. If you have seen it though and want to talk about it, I would be ecstatic to do so. (Just send me PM me, I promise to respond asap) Also, on my profile I have a poll up about favorite OUAT ships. I believe there are 2 that I have been shipping forever, but didn't make sense till the premiere. Another 2 were plopped into my head by the premiere. I don't think that any of those four are official ships yet, but who cares? Please vote. So here is chapter 6. To my guest who wanted longer chapters and a present day confrontation, well lucky for you I had written that confrontation into chapter 6. I would love to respond to all reviews, but at this time I do not have time in my life to do that. ): Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

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**Present: **_**The Jolly Roger, **_**Neverland's Surrounding Waters**

"Hello lov-" Hook tasted blood as her fist made contact with his face. "Bloody Hell Swan! What was that for?"

"You knew! You knew this whole time didn't you?" she shouted at him, fighting back angry tears.

"Emma, I didn't-" he was cut off again as he block Emma from hitting him once more.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't you remember?" Killian was quickly growing as upset as Emma was.

"Why would I want to?"

"That wasn't my question,"

They had attracted the attention of their shipmates but had yet to notice. Regina stood there, eyebrows raised with a smile playing on her lips. Gold's eyes bore into Hook and he had an evil sneer plastered onto his face. Snow was holding back David, wanting to know what was going on before any more violence occurred.

"You must have gotten over me fast. I mean you came running back to the only thing you had. Memories of a woman who didn't even love you."

"Oh, well pardon me for noticing that you fell for the man who hurt you all over again. So much for learning from your mistakes,"

Their words were biting. They both knew where it hurt and how to bring on the pain. They stared at each other, speechless for the moment. Both of them were seething with anger.

"I learned something, not to trust you."

"Oh you never trusted me Swan," he paused, "or is it Swanson?" there was bitterness dripping from his words and a smirk found its way onto his face at the triumph.

"Well, what's your name? James? Hook? Killian? Jones? Brooster? Or is it Harry Warboard?"

Killian exploded. "I am nothing like Harry! How can you even say that?"

"I could say a lot of things about you. Now that I think about it, you and Krissy the ditz would have been perfect together."

"Well I sure am glad that found out what you were like years ago so that I don't have to rid myself of you now. Baelfire was smart to leave you."

"He loved me," Emma said, her eyes filled with hatred.

"At one time I thought I love you, but guess what? I fucking hate you."

"Well, you can fall off your little boat, drown and rot in hell for all I care." Emma walked away assuming she had won the argument.

But Hook's accented voice ran out. "Believe me, the feeling is mutual."

Emma froze. She whirled around and punched him. She quickly followed it by kneeing him in the gut.

"Funny how your own words can hurt you so much when they're aimed in your direction," he wheezed.

She punched him again.

"If you're trying to get me to hit you, it isn't going to work darling,"

"Oh really? 'Cause you had no problem with it last time,"

They stared coldly at each other for a long while. Emma broke the silence. "I'm done with you." She turned and walked to her cabin, slamming the door behind her.

Killian stared at the place where she had stood. The anger in his eyes slowly disappeared and was replaced by hurt, guilt, and regret.

David broke free of Mary Margaret's grasp and charged towards Hook. "What did you do to her?"

"That is none of your business," he spat, blocking the prince's own attempts at hitting him.

"How dare you hurt Emma!"

"You have no idea what you're talking about prince," Killian shot back. "So butt out." Killian walked away, shoving David on the way to his own cabin. He gently closed the door with a barely audible click.

Killian and Emma, on opposite sides of _The Jolly Roger_, performed the same movements. Both slid down against the door to sit on the cold floor. Their heads hung low and the same thought echoed through their minds.

"What have I done?"

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**Soooo? What did you think? Please review, it is the only way I can become a better writer. I know that these chapters have been very short and I am sorry, but I think that they work better this way. Please follow/favorite. I'd also like to know your opinion on whether I should get a beta or not. Right now I am betaless and often my writing is posted with errors. I'd like to know how you guys feel. I really hope you liked it. Please check out my other story, 'We Will Sail this Sea Together'. I'll be posting new chapters and new stories soon. Keep reading, keep writing, and keep loving Captain Swan. Bye Darlings. (ha ha Peter Pan joke)**


	7. Nothing Left to Live For

**Hi! I am so excited for tomorrow's episode. I am so looking forward to see what they do with Captain Swan. I am very sorry that it took me so long to post this. I have had a lot of personal stuff going on. Unfortunately, the next chapter might take even longer to be posted because I haven't finished writing it. So, if you have a request or idea for something you'd like to see in this story it would be a good time to tell me. We are coming close to the end of this story, we only have a few chapters left. I want to let you guys know that I will probably write a prequel of sorts that will be about Killian and Emma's relationship in NYC. I also really want to thank you guys for all the favorites, follows, and especially all the positive reviews. I can't believe that this story has 52 followers! So this is chapter 7 and you are probably going to hate me for it. Sorry it's so short.**

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**Present: **_**The Jolly Roger, **_**Neverland's Surrounding Waters**

Emma let her head fall onto the tear soaked pillow. How could she have said those things to him? She had never admitted it, but she loved him. She knew she did. She always had loved him. Yes they had fought and supposedly 'moved on', but that had not stopped her from loving him. She loved his blue eyes and dark hair. She loved his constant innuendoes and his teasing and their playful banter. But he didn't love her. He never had. She felt something inside her break and the tears started up again.

There was a soft knock at the door. "Emma, sweetie, can I please come in?"

It had probably been a few hours since her awful display with Hook. She didn't want to talk to anyone, but she knew she had to explain eventually and Mary Margaret would be the most understanding. "It's unlocked." Emma sighed after a moment.

Snow slipped into the room and closed the door behind her, leaving them alone. She sat down on the edge of the mattress, not saying anything.

Emma lifted her head and turned off of her stomach and onto her side. She looked at her friend, concern clear in her mother's eyes.

"Oh, Emma," Snow started shakily as she caught sight of her daughter's red rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

_))) Captain Swan (((_

Killian was angry. But not at Emma. He was angry with himself. He should have told her. What was he thinking? That he could win her heart this time? That was impossible. She hated him, which was clear enough. And why should he care? He was a pirate. He was Captain bloody Hook. No one could love him. So why did he care if Emma did?

He loved her. That was why. He had loved her from the very first night. He had told her even though it was hard for him, but she had still rejected him. She had always pushed him away because she couldn't or wouldn't trust him. She had valid reasons, but that hadn't made it hurt any less. It hurt even more now though. He had been so stupid to think that she would not remember. He should have known that he wouldn't have a chance with her. He was nothing.

Killian wanted to let his anger out with violence, but he could not find a way to inflict himself with the pain he deserved. He reached into the shelves above his desk and pushed aside the books and papers. He grabbed a small vial that was hidden against the wall. A shining green liquid floated within it.

Hook removed the stopper with his teeth like he did with bottles of rum. One sip of the poison would stop his heart. His eyelids would close and his body still. All his horrid existence would disappear. Revenge did not return the strength a man once had, but emptied him of what little strength he had left. Killian had wasted his life and now he had nothing to live for.

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**So, that was fun right? Is there anyone out there who doesn't hate me. Please, please review. I might have a new story up soon. Please go to my profile and take part in the poll I'm taking. The three Once Upon A time ships that are the favorites of most people will be the three ships that I write three different stories for after I close the poll. Please check it out. Review? Please?**


	8. A Billion Shattered Pieces

**I am so so so so so SORRY! Please forgive me for not posting anything for so long. I feel so bad for making you wait this long. I couldn't get this chapter the way I wanted and I still don't like it that much, but It was pretty good and I couldn't keep you waiting any longer. That being said, it is poorly edited. This is the chapter that you get to see their break up fight. I hope you like it!**

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**Past: New York City, New York**

"Emma, please, just give me a chance. We've both been hurt before, but if we can let go of the past we can make this work. I love you."

Emma couldn't breath. She didn't know what to do or what to say. He had broken so many barriers, but she couldn't let this happen. She might think that she loved him, but she had thought that about Neal. Killian could tell her he loved her, but Neal had whispered the same promises. She had given him more of a chance than she had intended to when they had first met. But she could not trust him. They had agreed not to talk about their pasts, they had both been hurt and wanted to start over. But that sounded easier than it was.

"How can you love me, when you're still in love with a memory?" the words were sharp and cold. As soon as Emma had said them she knew that she had gone too far. She had crossed over a boundary to a place they had agreed not to enter.

Killian stiffened and clenched his jaw. It was as if a knife had been plunged into his chest. He stared at her, his eyes reflecting a mix of hurt and anger. "Well how could I expect you to feel the same? I mean, whenever you look at me darling, you see some man from your past. I don't know what happened, but he hurt you. I can promise that I will never hurt you, but as long as you compare us, you will never see the truth to my words. Kyle's right, I don't know why I even try," He could push down on her sore spots the same way she could his. He knew he was twisting Kyle's words, but he did not care.

Emma felt as though she had been shot in the gut. He hadn't really said that, had he? Never once had he tried to inflict pain in her by using her past. They could read each other so well and knew how much the past plagued the other. He was using the same lowly tactics she was, but they let their pain blind them.

"Okay, you're right," Emma said. "I'll leave, you can send whatever's mine to my real apartment." She had lived with him for over 2 months. The lease on her old apartment was finally about to end and she was going to move in with him permanently. But it seemed like she'd be going back.

She turned on her heel and grabbed her bag off of the table by the door. She still had her boots on from earlier that afternoon, they had argued since then.

She went to grab the doorknob but he stopped her. His rough fingers caressed the back of her hand. "Emma, please don't. I didn't mean it like that." She could hear the desperation in his voice yet she still ignored his pleas.

"No. It's better this way. There's no way a relationship between us could work." She squeezed her eyes shut and refused to turn around and look at him. How was she saying this? With every word pain filled her heart. She needed to get away from all this. She was going to run away from him, just like she did to everything else.

Emma yanked the door open and stepped out into the hall. She started walking towards the stairs, but Killian grabbed her waist from behind, making her turn to face him.

"Emma, darling please. I cannot live without you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I need you. I can't lose you now." He leaned towards her and pressed his mouth against hers.

For a moment it seemed as though there wouldn't be a problem, that their argument was over. Emma let herself go, let her wall fall once more. But the she realized it. She couldn't let it happen again. He would leave her.

She pushed away from him. "No," tears started filling her eyes.

Killian's face was filled with distress. He didn't know how to convince her of his love or how to convince her to stay.

"You don't need me. You don't really love me; you're just going to leave at the time that I need you most. Just like everyone else. You do not need me. Any woman would do. Why don't you hook up with Krissy? You could replace Harry for her. The two of you have very similar needs. I know your type and the only thing you'll ever want is a female in your bed. I'm not going to be your bed warmer just to get dropped a few months later. You don't love me. If that's love, you could love anyone," she couldn't believe she had managed to spit out such hurtful lies. To prevent him from leaving her, she'd leave before he could.

"I would never-" he yelled, but could not verbalize his anger and pain. Hi palm mad contact with her cheek, the sound ringing throughout the almost empty hallway.

The tears finally escaped from Emma's eyes as the skin turned red. He had hit her. He had never done something even close to that. He was always so gentle, so careful to never hurt her, physically or emotionally.

Killian stared at his hand. His only hand. It should be cut off for what he had just done. He continued to look at it as if it was some vile rodent. How? Why? He had never once meant to hurt Emma, he loved her more than he could say. So why did he strike her? His mind stopped registering what was happening for a moment.

Then he looked up to see Emma standing there in front of him. Tears slipped down her face. He reached out to her, but she took a step back. She slowly shook her head.

Emma turned as fast as she could and dashed down the two flights of stairs, bolting out the back door.

Killian followed her at an even faster pace. "Emma, please wait!" He knew he had lost her for good.

They burst out into the busy streets from the dark alley behind the bar. He stopped at the road's curb as she continued on in front of the cars. He had no way of getting her back, and if that was what she truly thought of him, why should he? He had never deserved her anyway.

She looked over her shoulder at where he stood watching her. She turned back around and let the tears fall.

Emma felt her heart shatter into a billion pieces, just as Killian felt his do the same.

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**I will update as soon as I finish the next chapter. I hope you liked this chapter. Please leave me a review. Also, do not hate Killian too much. He didn't mean to do it. Next chapter will be up soon! Please check out my other stories and/or the poll on my profile. Captain Swan Forever!**


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